Does Your Leadership (Parenting) Match Your Followers (Children)?

Last week, my family had an interaction that caused us to reflect a bit on leadership. My sixth grade kid had to pack for an overnight retreat. This was the first time  they had been on a trip of this kind and they were very excited! They had a list of things she needed and was eager to put it all together the night before the trip. Meanwhile, they're sister was having a difficulty studying for a test. No problem! We've got two parents. I took on the science test study and I asked my husband to help with the packing.

Image: Two children trying to fit into a roller 
bag suitcase.

I came back to the packing party a few hours later and was surprised to see that my visiting sister had actually taken a bigger role in the packing task. My husband - not knowing there were potentially confusing choices or tricky words on the list - had delegated the packing to the 11-year-old by saying, "You get started and come get me if you have problems." Nothing wrong with that at all! Except that they were such a beginner in packing that they had questions like, "What are toiletries?" This led to my sister stepping in to provide definitions and suggestions about how to choose items that would fit well in a bag and how to efficiently pack them in there.

Later, we mused over the incident and how it reminded us of leadership modeling. The sixth grader was just too much of a packing novice to succeed with only a delegation. Even though they were an extremely mature kid, they didn't have the experience needed for this particular "task maturity." Pure delegation wasn't working for them yet on that job. Just like it doesn't work with many activists I have led who don't have much experience advocating. So, what theory can help us see what people need so that we don't leave them wondering what in the world to do?

The situational leadership model is a theory developed by Paul Hersey, professor and author of the book "The Situational Leader," and Ken Blanchard, leadership trainer and author of "The One Minute Manager." I'm certainly no expert in it, but some the basics of it ring true to me.

As I understand situational leadership theory, there isn't really a "best" style of leadership. Effective leadership is specific to the task at hand and the person doing the task. Flexible leaders adapt their leadership style to the maturity and skill of the one(s) who are being led. Here are examples of different follower types you might be leading as a parent or a community organizer.

• Enthusiastic Beginner; Follower is an enthusiastic beginner and with low competence but very high commitment to the task. This was my overnighting 6th grader. Or, think of the volunteer who wants to help advocate, but doesn't know how to write a letter to Congress...this volunteer might be 10 yrs old or 50 yrs old. Needs a Directing leader.
• Disillusioned Learner; Follower is a disillusioned learner with limited competence and low commitment to the task. I think of the pre-schooler who doesn't know how to clean their room well and really doesn't want you to show them how. In activism terms, this person probably won't show up to meetings much, but when they do, they need a Coaching leader to answer questions about how to do something and why it matters.
• Capable but Cautious Contributor; Follower is capable of performing task but is bit cautious with varying degree of commitment toward task. Kind of like an elementary school kid who knows how to rake leaves, but isn't sure what the benefit will be. Or the volunteer who knows how to make a phone call to Congress or write a letter, but isn't sure it will make a difference in the world. Needs a Supporting leader to help followers come to decisions on their own.
• Self-Reliant Achiever; Follower is a self-reliant achiever with high competence and high commitment to the task. This is the kid taking the lead on their own science project. Or the volunteer organizing an event for a group. Needs a Delegating leader to sit back and let the person own the task and feel good about owning it.

So, what are these different kinds of leadership styles? What characteristics make up these different kinds of leaders?

• Directing leader; "Telling" leader defines the roles/tasks and supervises closely; leader makes the decision; the communication is mostly going to be one-way 
• Coaching leader; "Selling" leader involves follower in action planning, promotes independent thinking; seeks suggestions; leader still makes final decision; more two way communication
• Supporting leader;  "Participating" leader listens, encourages to take lead, facilitates, participate in decision making but follower makes the decision
• Delegating leader; "Delegating" leader allows goal setting, planning, decision making; rewards follower for good performance; leader’s involvement is dependent of follower

Do you have different kinds of people in your advocacy group who need different kinds of leadership for different types of tasks? If so, can you adapt your leadership style to give each follower what they need? Or, would it be helpful to find a co-leader who can take over for specific tasks or supervise certain people in your group?

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The #GlobalGoals Are Adding to my To-Do List

I'm a big fan of to-do lists. Around my house, my kids often hear me say, "If it's not on the list, it doesn't get done." I'm not often fond of people adding new items to my existing list, but this week saw an exceptional exception to that rule as the UN adopted the Global Goals for Sustainable Development!

You see, for the entire time that I've been an anti-poverty activist, the world has been working on reaching the Millennium Development Goals (MDG's) by 2015. The MDG's were 8 goals that were meant to bring us 1/2 way to the end of extreme poverty by the year 2015. We made remarkable progress. 

We cut the number of people living on less than $1 a day in half. Maternal mortality fell by 45%. Today, 17,000 fewer children die every day now than in 1990. Enrollment in primary education in developing regions has reached 90%. Since 1990, 2.3 billion people gained access to drinking water!

That's all great news, but we didn't reach all the MDG's and we have so much more work to do. 

1 in 9 people still go to sleep hungry, 6 million children die before their fifth birthday every year, and 2.5 billion people don't even have access to basic toilets. We can do better than that. 

So, as we say goodbye to that list, I celebrate that we have a new, bolder set of 17 Global Goals. Check them out in the graphic below!

In addition to the goals directly related to poverty, we now have aspirations to help us address the health of our planet and justice for all. The 17 goals will help us achieve three extraordinary things in the next 15 years:

1. End Extreme Poverty

2. Fight Inequality and Injustice

3. Fix Climate Change

You can probably guess that as the "Anti-Poverty Mom," I'm pretty psyched about that "End Extreme Poverty" part. But, I'm really excited about the whole thing because they are so interrelated. Inequality and injustice are major causes of the cycle of poverty that keeps families impoverished for generations. Also - seeing as how we only have one planet - lifting people out of poverty can't have any lasting effects if we are destroying the Earth.

If EVERY family in the world teaches their children about these goals, we will help our kids become the generation that changed the world! 

What do you, as a parent, need to tell your kids about the Global Goals? First, sit down and educate yourselves by watching this 6 minute video called "The World's Largest Lesson." It will help your kids understand that it's our moral obligation as global citizens taking up space on this Earth to pitch in and help.

If you are a parent, check out this resource for parents. If you are a teacher, here is a resource for teachers complete with ready made lesson plans.

Next, put the Global Goals your personal to-do list as well! Pick one...or two...or three goals and take on what you want to change in the world. It's hard for me to choose favorite children or favorite goals, but the goals I feel the most called to work on are:

#1 End Poverty

#2 End Hunger

#3 Good Health and Well Being

#4 Quality Education 

and 

#14 Life Below Water 

I pledge myself to work on these 5 and I am so thankful that other people are coming on board who will be moved to work on the others, too! There are more than enough of us to save our planet and all the people in it if we all pitch in and work together. 

What is(are) your favorite Global Goal(s)? Come on and #TellEveryone ! You can start by leaving yours in the comments below...

Sometimes You Have to Break a Few Eggs

Hey, look what happened to me this morning as I was in a hurry to make the kids some breakfast! Splat. Broken egg. Wasted food. Wasted time cleaning it up. Clumsy mommy. Luckily, I still had a few more eggs in the carton and as I stood there watching them cook, I thought of this old saying...

"If you want to make an omelette, you're going to have to break a few eggs."

In addition to being literally true, it's a good reminder for activist moms like me who are juggling other roles like "mommy" and "wife." 

A work in progress

I've noticed that on days that I'm the best homemaker, I'm not the best advocate. When I'm on a roll being Best Mom, chances are high that I'm not simultaneously winning the award for Most Empathic Wife. Whenever I'm really killing it with my advocacy work (having a number of face to face meetings in a month or taking a trip to DC), that's usually when my husband and I have the most disagreements about household cleanliness. When I'm totally on top of everything and getting compliments from my husband on how organized I am...those are the times when I've not written a single word on my book-in-progress for weeks. It's great, of course, to feel appreciated for being an attentive mother and homemaker, but those aren't the only things I want to be. What a bummer to realize the only time I excel at homemaking is when I'm blatantly hiding and procrastinating on working on the biggest, hardest project in my life (i.e. the book-in-progress).

This used to depress me...until I started paying attention to what was happening to other moms around me and realized I wasn't alone. I started hearing more and more stories like mine, especially from mothers who were still navigating careers along with motherhood. Many of them aren't advocates, but a lot of us are thinking the same thing anyway about our multiple-identity lives.

Meredith Boggess shared some of her thoughts with me about making the transition to motherhood. "The hardest adjustment for me to make was to not try to be the best at everything. It just isn't possible," she observed. Meredith is a successful Director of Marketing at Buckingham Family of Financial Services, a wealth advisory firm based in the St Louis area. She continued,

"Being the best employee, the best wife, the best mom, the best friend...it's all too much to keep up with all the time. To try to do all of that stresses out the kids and the spouse as well as the mom." 

When we talked, it really hit me that I could get much farther by dropping the word "best" out of these inner-voice conversations. Of course, I'm not the first person to figure this out and that's why you can go out and read a book called "Good Enough Parenting" or a blog called "GoodEnoughMother.com" 

These may not be examples of the calmest 

ducks, but they're cute!

For the record, every time I see Meredith, she's always a calm and very well put together lady. Which makes me think of another quote that comes up on the internet a lot (cited as a quote from many different sources, including actor Michael Caine): 

"Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like the dickens underneath!" 

Voila! A delicious masterpiece!

I don't think there's ever any mom that ever has everything totally under control. But I do think the thing that keeps me moving forward is to keep my eye on the goal. Some balls may be dropped. Some eggs may be broken both literally and figuratively. But for the most part, my family is able to bounce back from my missteps as long as everyone is communicating and trying to be as kind to each other as we can be...and together we are saving lives and ending poverty. A beautiful omelette, indeed!