What Can We Do About Imposter Syndrome?

Image: Cynthia wearing a mask

Let’s talk about Imposter Syndrome.

It’s come to my attention that some people don’t think I suffer from Imposter Syndrome. I want to correct this today and write a few words about how I deal with it, hoping this post might help others. Keep in mind, I’m not an expert or a therapist. I’m a mom, advocate, and author who has an active inner critic…one that worked overtime during my book writing process!

Who Experiences Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is an insidious thought pattern which makes us doubt our skill, talents or accomplishments. It gives us a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud. 

Imposter syndrome creates such anxiety that we might censor ourselves precisely in moments when we should speak out for others or take risks for our own good. It can keep good advocates from sharing their stories to powerful people. It can keep people trapped in unhealthy cycles when persistent inner voices say things like, "You don't deserve to be here" or “You’re not good enough for this job” or “You don’t deserve a promotion.” It can prevent us from reaching out for needed help. Worst of all, it can drive us into abysmal mental health even when we are successful, damaging ourselves and our relationships.

Image: Cynthia sitting alone in a field of dead grass

It seems like the media usually addresses imposter syndrome in relation to the female experience - Michelle Obama has famously addressed it - but it certainly doesn’t just happen to women! Just about everyone who is part of an oppressed or dismissed group (women, racial minorities, immigrants, youth, etc) feels it at least sometimes, even if they are a high performing individual.

My friend Portia Mount has more than a few words to say on the topic. Let me preface this by saying Portia is a mom I admire. From the moment I met her, she just gave off a vibe of being cool, collected, competent, and friendly. She’s one of those moms who made me think, “I want to her friend, and I wish I could be awesome like her.” It surprised me to find she presented a TED talk about her experiences with imposter syndrome.

Portia co-authored a book called “Beating the Imposter Syndrome.” She and her co-author were stunned to discover in interviews with 100 of their coaching clients, over 90% of them had experienced imposter syndrome at some point in their careers.

The International Journal of Behavioral Sciences published a report which said nearly 70% of individuals despite their gender, age, and work role will suffer from impostor syndrome at least once in their career or lifetime.

So, yeah. More people than you think struggle with this form of self-doubt.

What Can We Do About Imposter Syndrome?

Here are my strategies I’ve come up with by living through imposter syndrome myself (as an engineer and later as an author), learning from authors like Portia who researched it, and going to countless sessions teaching parents how to support our kids.

Connect with Strengths 

Tell the negative thoughts to take a back seat for a solid 15 minutes or more when you commit to thinking positively about your strengths. You deserve far longer, but 15 minutes works as a nice, manageable chunk of time for me. You can even write an actual list to look at later. Friends can be especially helpful for this exercise!

Look at the Hard Data of Success

Look at some inarguable personal successes to remind yourself of times when you have succeeded in the past. Maybe it’s a good performance review, a great test score, a letter of recommendation, or even a glowing thank you note written to you by a friend you helped through a tough time. As an author, sometimes I had to look at the data analytics from this very blog. Hard data confronted my doubt with evidence of people who read these posts and liked what I have to say.

In a recent twitter thread where the original poster asked others how they deal with imposter syndrome, I saw tweets saying they forcefully tell their negative voice to be quiet. Melissa Dumaz, a licensed therapist (@MelissaDumaz), responded with two methods: remembering successes and telling the inner critic to shut up. She said, "I tell my inner bully to STFU! And then proceed to show my inner bully receipts on how amazing and worthy I am!" I love it!

Image: Tweet from @MelissaDumaz giving credit to @StevonLewisMFT for her coping tools

Thank Your Inner Critic for Services No Longer Required

The "shut up" method never fully works for me. Perhaps my inner critic is just like me (makes sense because she actually IS me) and doesn’t like to go away until acknowledged for her value. I had to learn to use a twist on that method, which I heard from an occupational therapist who works with children and teens:

Consider that imposter syndrome is a valid survival method run amok. It’s the part of us that is honestly trying to protect us from embarrassment or disappointment. It’s a useful instinct in moderation, but detrimental when it keeps us from healthy balance and productive risks. So, when the imposter syndrome rears its ugly head, I say, “Thank you, inner critic, for your concern that is trying to keep me safe from embarrassment. But you also keep me from achieving my goals, so YOUR SERVICES ARE NO LONGER REQUIRED!”

What do YOU do to battle imposter syndrome?

Image: Book cover

Buy an autographed copy of "From Changing Diapers to Changing the World: Why Moms Make Great Advocates and How to Get Started" at my website www.changyit.com or order it from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or any independent bookstore!

Coordinated Bothering Inspires Action

Image: A colleague and I in a DC lobby meeting

Today, at church, I was struck by a reference to advocacy work in a Bible reading I haven’t read nor heard in quite some time. The focus of our worship service today was Prayer: how we do it alone or together, how it changes us, how it shapes our actions, etc. I listened anew to a passage from the Gospel of Luke that likened prayers toward G-d to advocacy towards policy makers.

Luke 18:1-8 (Common English Bible)

Jesus was telling them a parable about their need to pray continuously and not to be discouraged. He said, “In a certain city, there was a judge who neither feared G-d nor respected people. In that city, there was a widow who kept coming to him, asking, ‘Give me justice in this case against my adversary,’ For a while he refused, but finally said to himself, ‘I don’t fear God or respect people, but I will give this widow justice because she keeps bothering me. Otherwise, there will be no end to her coming here and embarrassing me.’ The Lord said, ‘Listen to what the unjust judge says. Won’t G-d provide justice to the chosen people who cry out day and night? Will G-d be slow to help them? I tell you, G-d will give them justice quickly. But when the Human One comes, will he find faithfulness on Earth?’”

Image: Me receiving prayers from my congregation

Perhaps this translation from the Common English Bible, written in a rather plainspoken way, jumped out at me because the judge’s reason for granting justice is “because she keeps bothering me.” The word “bothering” is very relatable to me as a busy person in 2022. Don’t we all get bothered by inconveniences? And if we get too bothered, aren't we moved to act on the source of irritation?

Besides considering the main point of Jesus’ assurance that G-d will grant justice to us, I also thought about how this depiction of activism mirrors modern day advocacy. Sometimes we can move the target of our advocacy with stories that remind them of their own moral values. Other times, we might use statistics and economic facts to appeal to a sense of logic. Yet whether one or both or neither of those tactics appeals to members of Congress, the thing that always seems to inspire action is something my oldest kiddo calls “coordinated bothering.”

Coordinated Bothering = Good Trouble

Coordinated bothering is what teams of advocates do when we all reach out persistently with the same request for a legislator to take an action.

Image: Me with Rep. Cori Bush at a public
event where I asked about a global nutrition bill

We might start with a request to their aide, then move on to having each member of the group call their office. If they don’t act, we involve more members of the community to write letters or make our requests public by writing about them in letters to the editor. If we see them out in the community, we are ready to ask them questions about our issue directly!

Friendly, polite tactics might give way to more insistent methods, like daily phone calls or more strongly worded opinion pieces in newspapers. We can show up at town hall meetings in a group to keep asking a question until they give an answer. Depending on the urgency or level of injustice, organized community protests might even be the only way to escalate the discomfort of a person like the judge in the Gospel without moral values or respect for others. 

There’s another name for Coordinated Bothering when it grows to a public and loud level. In the context of civil rights, the late Congressman John Lewis called it Good Trouble. He said, "Do not get lost in a sea of despair. Be hopeful, be optimistic. Our struggle is not the struggle of a day, a week, a month, or a year. It is the struggle of a lifetime. Never, ever be afraid to make some noise and get in good trouble, necessary trouble.

PUPO (Persistence Usually Pays Off)

Image: Me smiling by a 
RESULTS banner

Some senators and representatives are delightful to work with when they are personally motivated to work on our issues. But most need a metaphorical nudge or a shove to get the wheels of action turning. We have to find the point where their appetite for being bothered is exceeded by our persistence.

RESULTS volunteers have a funny little device used to reward each other called the PUPO award. PUPO stands for “Persistence Usually Pays Off.” We used to get a little sheet of stickers with “PUPO” printed on them. We would give them to a team member who made some sort of advocacy breakthrough because of their persistence.

Don’t be afraid to be persistent! I’ve been called “pushy” by a congressman in a face-to-face meeting when pressed him for an answer after he failed to give a “yes” or “no” to my colleagues asking for help for low-income Americans. I could have taken it as an insult, but I saw it as an acknowledgement that persistence is often what it takes to make sure people struggling in poverty get the nutrition, education, and health care they need. To me, feeding hungry people is worth being pushy about!

In America, Congress works for the people. They work for YOU. So next time you wonder if you if you should make that next phone call or write that letter, remember the widow in the Bible with the unjust judge. Be a bother.

Image: Book cover

Buy an autographed copy of "From Changing Diapers to Changing the World: Why Moms Make Great Advocates and How to Get Started" at my website www.changyit.com or order it from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or any independent bookstore!