Sharing About Giving: Let Your Light Shine

“Hi! I need your help…”

A friend reached out to me last year asking me to take part in her client’s social media campaign to share acts of kindness of social media. An organization called Alight used the hashtag of #AlightChainReaction to inspire good works from individuals throughout the 2023 winter holiday season. Alight is a global humanitarian organization dedicated to providing support and resources for over 4 million people displaced by conflict, exclusion, and climate change.

Image: Cindy with a stuffed Pikachu pokemon
donated to Toys for Tots

What started out as a favor turned out to be a fascinating social experiment for me. As an author and speaker with a brand about advocacy and helping others, it’s common for me to post about acts of advocacy actions. Yet I rarely post about local, personal volunteering. Maybe part of me feels like it’s bragging to say “look what a good person I am” when I know I’m full of little foibles and bigger flaws. Reactions to my posts on #AlightChainReaction turned made me rethink that attitude. I quickly lost those awkward feelings when I my friends started asking where they could join in or reporting that they, too, took the same action because of my post.

Image: Cindy in front of a Red Cross van

A great example was my post about giving blood. Donating blood to the Red Cross is just something my mom (a nurse) taught me to do when I became an adult. But there’s a physical limit to the amount of blood one person can give! Once I give my pint, that’s all I can do for the next 8 weeks. So, when I saw a couple of friends jump into the comment section of the post right away, saying they made appointments, I thought, “Wow! That’s 3X what I could do alone!”

Image: Cindy's hand with wrapped gifts

Another fun action was gift wrapping presents for kids experiencing homelessness at a pop up wrapping station in a mall. I stopped by and gave an hour of my time doing that fun task, but my schedule didn’t allow me to sign up for another shift. I was thrilled when I got a text of a family member who loves wrapping gifts and had the spare time!

Image: A box of snacks with a note saying,
"THANK YOU for delivering our packages!
Please help yourself to a snack"

The last one I’ll mention is the snack box for delivery people. I got the idea off of social media during COVID-19 isolation in 2020 to make a box of snacks and water for folks delivering packages to my door. They work very hard during the holidays to make sure gifts get delivered on time. It brings a smile to my face to see USPS and UPS drivers walking away from my door with water, granola, or chips. I liked the enthusiastic responses I received when I posted about it, but I am genuinely touched when I visit my friends that commented and see that they’ve made their own similar boxes!

This is proof enough to me a chain reaction of kindness is possible. I’m grateful to Alight for teaching me that sharing about caring can spread kind actions throughout our community.

How appropriate that after the campaign ended, the scripture assigned to me to read at church was from the book of Mark when Jesus said to them, “Is a lamp brought in to be put under the bushel basket, or under the bed, and not on the lampstand? For there is nothing hidden, except to be disclosed; nor is anything secret, except to come to light.” If no one can see your light, it can’t spread around and inspire others to have their own experiences like it. Which is to say - as the children’s song puts it best- “Let your little light shine!”

Image: Book cover

Buy an autographed copy of "From Changing Diapers to Changing the World: Why Moms Make Great Advocates and How to Get Started" at my website www.changyit.com or order it from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or any independent bookstore!

To Mask or Not to Mask?

Cindy wearing a CARE mask that says
"SAVE LIVES"

Here we are at last. The CDC announced that vaccinated folk don’t have to wear our masks anymore, outdoors or indoors. Yay! Kind of…

This announcement doesn’t mean the COVID-19 pandemic is over, but it shows we’re firmly moving into a next phase of the pandemic. This phase might be less frightening in the US, but it’s still terrifying for those living in countries like India and Nepal where COVID-19 runs rampant with cities running out of oxygen and funeral pyres burn in the streets. It’s still frustrating for low-income countries like Ghana and Trinidad & Tobago lacking vaccines for a significant portion of their population.

So, now that vaccinated Americans have a new freedom we can exercise, what now? We’re not at 100% vaccination coverage…heck we don’t even have the 70-80% required for herd immunity. We can’t tell by looking at people whether they had the vaccine. How should we think about it?

Kindness Still Matters.

One of my mommy-mantras that I say to my kids is: “Just because you CAN do a thing, doesn’t mean you SHOULD do a thing.” While I look forward to putting my mask aside in some situations, I think my mantra can help us consider when and wear to keep our masks on.

Last year, I wrote that staying home to “Flatten the Curve" was an act of kindness. Now, I’m saying that wearing a mask-even when you’re not required to-can be an act of kindness as well. Here are some ways wearing your mask in public can spread kindness and empathy.

Help others around you feel comfortable.

My 15-year-old just got her first dose yesterday. However, as she watched older kids and adults get vaccinated all around her in the last few months, she felt uncomfortable in situations where they would take off their masks and urge her to do the same. I know of another teen who has had such anxiety in the past year that she wears a mask even alone in her room just because it helps her feel comfortable and safe. 

We will still have a lot of tweens and teens unvaccinated for the next few months since the federal approval just happened this week. Plus, ALL children under 12 are still unvaccinated. Even though the risk is lower is lower these days, there are a lot of feelings still on high-alert. We can extend grace to those who feel anxious.

Protect the vulnerable among us.

 Tweet from Upgrade Accessibility warning that the 
CDC announcement is dangerous for
disabled/chronically ill people.

A norm of mask wearing helps keep our disabled, immunocompromised, and chronically ill friends safe. There are some among them unable to get the vaccine. Some of them are fully vaccinated, but suffer from poor immunity, so they just can’t gamble. If a vaccine is 94% effective against COVID-19, chances of contracting are small, but would be disastrous. Breakthrough cases are not common, but definitely expected. 

Tweet from vaccinated & immunocompromised 
individual asking for understanding for his
continued mask wearing.

You can’t tell who these folks are by looking at them. So, again, if someone asks you to put on a mask, don’t ask why. Just think about these reasons and be gracious as you mask up.

Set a good example.

You can help normalize wearing a mask for those that are afraid to get the vaccine, but still need to wear a mask. The CDC tells us that 65% of the US population is still unvaccinated today. That tells me that over half of Americans should still mask up indoors, including children from ages 2-12. Every parent knows kids are more likely to exhibit good behavior if parents are set a good example to follow. If I had kids under 12, I would surely mask up in solidarity, so they know it's important and don't get grumbly about it.

People’s reasons for not yet getting the COVID-19 are varied. It’s not that all of them just don’t care. I know there are people afraid of needles, afraid of the vaccine, afraid their immigration status will impact their vaccine access, afraid to take time off work to get vaccinated, afraid they can’t afford the vaccine (not true, it’s free!), etc, etc. We’ve got a lot of hurdles to overcome. While we overcome them, I don’t want any of those people to feel peer-pressured by ME to take their masks off! Because if they do, we’re all going to live with COVID-19 restrictions for a longer time.

Protect everyone from COVID-19 variants.

Cindy with her favorite Sustainable
Development Goal:
#3 Good Health & Well-Being

As a global health advocate, I can’t stress how important it is to continue to think globally. The global situation for COVID-19 variants is still very unstable, even for people who are fully vaccinated. We don’t yet have aggressive testing in place to track dangerous variants, so we won’t know about them until they are a serious problem.

We’ve gotten very lucky so far that none of the variants have yet eluded the current vaccines. Mask wearing both protects a population from variant outbreaks and provides fewer opportunities for dangerous variants to form during a pandemic phase (like right now) where the disease is still unchecked in a large part of the world.

In what situations will you still wear a mask? 

Will you put one on if someone asks you to do so?

"How to Respond With Kindness" OR "How Not Be a Jerk Online"

Show of metaphorical cyberspace hands, please...how many of you have seen something you disagreed with on your Twitter or Facebook feeds since Election Day? How many of you have responded on your own feed or commented on someone else's just to have it blow up into a vitriolic back and forth that left you feeling much worse than if you'd never checked your social media at all? I think it's happened to most of us. 

I find myself thinking about some of the rules of thumb I've created for myself in order to be the kind of person I want to be online. I'm sharing them with you, not to be preachy, but to remind myself to stick to my personal guidelines. Facebook comments are rarely a place where thoughtful exchange of ideas can change ideas that are fundamental to personal identities. Yet I hope my suggestions can help others navigate social media in a positive and constructive way.

"I see you, Mommy"

#1 Write as if your kids were reading over your shoulder.
You know the old response to sexual harassers that goes, "What would your mother say if she knew you were saying that?" I think we moms should ask ourselves, "What would your children say if they knew what you wrote?" Set the same good example in your on-line life that you set for them in-person. Besides, I'm not convinced that everything we do online ever goes away. The kids will probably find it eventually. 


#2 Remember there is a real person on the other end.
The Golden Rule? It's a good one. Paraphrased: "Treat others the way you want them to treat you." Would your comment make you feel horrible if it were directed at you? Is it more likely to turn people against your cause than bring people towards it? If you answer "yes" to either of those, you probably don't want to be hitting "send" on that nugget of hostility.

Or look at this tree.

#3 Stop. Breathe. Reflect before you type another word.
Is your heart beating faster as if you've just been physically threatened? This happens to me, too. Especially if someone has just attacked one of my core beliefs as in..."Women should not be in Congress," or "You are an over-privileged soccer mom." (I'm an over-previleged FINE ARTS mom, thanks) That accelerated pulse means you're entering an emotional area of the brain where your logic and long-term thinking are suppressed. You should measure your next words very, very carefully. Take a walk and look at a tree. Eat a piece of chocolate to release some serotonin brain chemicals to make you feel happier. Enforce a cooling down period on your comment. OR, just leave it alone. (see next paragraph)


#4 Don't make blanket insults.
Refrain from saying things like, "People who think that are..." or "You're all a bunch of..." As we'll see in an example below, it's hard to back up from that to say "Oh, well, I didn't mean YOU specifically." Yeah, you did. You said it and we can all read it right in front of us.

#5 Consider removing yourself from the equation if that's more beneficial.
Sean Astin, a celebrity activist who actually spends a lot of time online talking to his followers about controversial subjects, had this to say to a crowd at a RESULTS conference about getting involved in an unhealthy back and forth in a comments section. You know, those times when you want to say something positive someone and the internet trolls swoop in to attack? "Just drop your happy bomb and move on." Astin is always up for a thoughtful exchange of ideas, but I notice he's not above blocking people who just attack repeatedly with nothing constructive to say. Ending your engagement in the conversation is an option you have online that you don't have in real life and it's okay to exercise that choice. 

#6 Recognize the other person's feelings as valid
Are you still willing to be in the conversation and it seems the other person is really exchanging ideas instead of hurling insults? My favorite opening phrase when I'm trying to diffuse something online is, "I can tell that you are very passionate about this." It isn't mean. It doesn't give an inch of concession from my position. It states that I'm listening to them and I see what they are feeling without using the dangerous "I know how your feel" that leads to badness (What do you mean you know how I feel? You don't know how I feel! How dare you!!! etc, etc) A simple acknowledgement of emotion can be followed up with the next suggestion below...

#7 If possible, invite the other person to join you in making the world better!
This might be a radical thought, but if you can find any common ground at all, ask them to attend a meeting for a group you're involved in or to join an organization that supports your common ground. For instance, both Trump and Clinton supporters were interested in a fair election. Inviting the other person to be a legitimate election volunteer (not just a weird illegal lurker) might have been a place for common work. I often invite people to check out non-partisan groups I'm in that work on hunger or poverty. Even if someone doesn't believe in Food Stamp assistance, they might be willing to volunteer at a local food bank. Sometimes, I ask them to come to lobby with me or join RESULTS although no one online has ever taken me up on that yet. (Hope lives on!) It may not always be possible or appropriate due to geography or other circumstances, but I every time I do it, it diffuses the situation because the other person realizes one of three things:

1. I'm actually suggesting both an in person meeting and WORK, which is uncomfortable for habitual on-line ranters and they don't wish to engage anymore
2. I actually do respect their viewpoint enough to want to work with them on a deeper level
3. We're actually on the same side in the big picture

Want to see it in practice? Yesterday, on a friend's Facebook page, I saw her advocating for asking the electoral college to reject President-Elect Trump. A woman (who posed with my friend in an "I Voted! Vote like a girl!" selfie less than a week ago) was pressing her about this position. The debate got rough with this friend stating an opposite view about the electoral college saying, "shame on anyone who would think otherwise". I jumped in to commend my friend's bravery in defending a position when a friend was calling her lazy and shameful. Of course, that person engaged with me. 

Okay, if I had to do that again, I would have edited out the "Have a blessed, shame-free day" line because it doesn't read off the screen well. In my defense, I'd just come from church and I really wanted her to feel free of the shame she was casting on others in addition to just stopping the casting. But I could have stopped my comment one sentence earlier and it would have been better. Luckily, she kept talking and it could lead to the place where I could employ suggestions #6 and #7.

Her willingness to check out the weblink for RESULTS is about the best thing I could hope for, so I ended my involvement right there. If you can come to an understanding, everyone feels heard, and people walk away thinking there could be a possibility of working together...that is a best case scenario. It won't always work that way, so don't forget about option #5 about removing yourself from the troll equation, but why not hope for the best?

Remember, we have a wide array of emoticons these days. Let's try to use more than just the sad and angry ones!

How have you been dealing with 

social media dissent in your circles?