What Can We Do About Imposter Syndrome?

Image: Cynthia wearing a mask

Let’s talk about Imposter Syndrome.

It’s come to my attention that some people don’t think I suffer from Imposter Syndrome. I want to correct this today and write a few words about how I deal with it, hoping this post might help others. Keep in mind, I’m not an expert or a therapist. I’m a mom, advocate, and author who has an active inner critic…one that worked overtime during my book writing process!

Who Experiences Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is an insidious thought pattern which makes us doubt our skill, talents or accomplishments. It gives us a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud. 

Imposter syndrome creates such anxiety that we might censor ourselves precisely in moments when we should speak out for others or take risks for our own good. It can keep good advocates from sharing their stories to powerful people. It can keep people trapped in unhealthy cycles when persistent inner voices say things like, "You don't deserve to be here" or “You’re not good enough for this job” or “You don’t deserve a promotion.” It can prevent us from reaching out for needed help. Worst of all, it can drive us into abysmal mental health even when we are successful, damaging ourselves and our relationships.

Image: Cynthia sitting alone in a field of dead grass

It seems like the media usually addresses imposter syndrome in relation to the female experience - Michelle Obama has famously addressed it - but it certainly doesn’t just happen to women! Just about everyone who is part of an oppressed or dismissed group (women, racial minorities, immigrants, youth, etc) feels it at least sometimes, even if they are a high performing individual.

My friend Portia Mount has more than a few words to say on the topic. Let me preface this by saying Portia is a mom I admire. From the moment I met her, she just gave off a vibe of being cool, collected, competent, and friendly. She’s one of those moms who made me think, “I want to her friend, and I wish I could be awesome like her.” It surprised me to find she presented a TED talk about her experiences with imposter syndrome.

Portia co-authored a book called “Beating the Imposter Syndrome.” She and her co-author were stunned to discover in interviews with 100 of their coaching clients, over 90% of them had experienced imposter syndrome at some point in their careers.

The International Journal of Behavioral Sciences published a report which said nearly 70% of individuals despite their gender, age, and work role will suffer from impostor syndrome at least once in their career or lifetime.

So, yeah. More people than you think struggle with this form of self-doubt.

What Can We Do About Imposter Syndrome?

Here are my strategies I’ve come up with by living through imposter syndrome myself (as an engineer and later as an author), learning from authors like Portia who researched it, and going to countless sessions teaching parents how to support our kids.

Connect with Strengths 

Tell the negative thoughts to take a back seat for a solid 15 minutes or more when you commit to thinking positively about your strengths. You deserve far longer, but 15 minutes works as a nice, manageable chunk of time for me. You can even write an actual list to look at later. Friends can be especially helpful for this exercise!

Look at the Hard Data of Success

Look at some inarguable personal successes to remind yourself of times when you have succeeded in the past. Maybe it’s a good performance review, a great test score, a letter of recommendation, or even a glowing thank you note written to you by a friend you helped through a tough time. As an author, sometimes I had to look at the data analytics from this very blog. Hard data confronted my doubt with evidence of people who read these posts and liked what I have to say.

In a recent twitter thread where the original poster asked others how they deal with imposter syndrome, I saw tweets saying they forcefully tell their negative voice to be quiet. Melissa Dumaz, a licensed therapist (@MelissaDumaz), responded with two methods: remembering successes and telling the inner critic to shut up. She said, "I tell my inner bully to STFU! And then proceed to show my inner bully receipts on how amazing and worthy I am!" I love it!

Image: Tweet from @MelissaDumaz giving credit to @StevonLewisMFT for her coping tools

Thank Your Inner Critic for Services No Longer Required

The "shut up" method never fully works for me. Perhaps my inner critic is just like me (makes sense because she actually IS me) and doesn’t like to go away until acknowledged for her value. I had to learn to use a twist on that method, which I heard from an occupational therapist who works with children and teens:

Consider that imposter syndrome is a valid survival method run amok. It’s the part of us that is honestly trying to protect us from embarrassment or disappointment. It’s a useful instinct in moderation, but detrimental when it keeps us from healthy balance and productive risks. So, when the imposter syndrome rears its ugly head, I say, “Thank you, inner critic, for your concern that is trying to keep me safe from embarrassment. But you also keep me from achieving my goals, so YOUR SERVICES ARE NO LONGER REQUIRED!”

What do YOU do to battle imposter syndrome?

Image: Book cover

Buy an autographed copy of "From Changing Diapers to Changing the World: Why Moms Make Great Advocates and How to Get Started" at my website www.changyit.com or order it from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or any independent bookstore!